Gently understanding the depths of who I am. The memories I have kept controlled on what I believed to be capable of. Everlasting love in my soul, stemming from warm angry tears streaming down cleansing me finally. I step back from the dishonoring thought that things I never imagined to change. I become dedicated to uncovering the shushed vulnerability of the empath I am. Lessened blows of the lessons learned flow within the stubbornly sealed heart. My mind endlessly resorts back to the start, when you created me. The exact moment I put down my drug of choice ; when I chose life over being. The lack of understanding as I mature is baffling. The humbling knowledge that how far I have come, has been nothing short of a miracle. Today I wake up in words of wisdom that the no matter how heart shattering the past was, God guides me into the light. I’m on the path of love to serve others with a courageous might. Faithful that my heart will be healed, when I reach the other side.
If you overdose tomorrow, We will all cry tears of sorrow that yet another solider was torn from the war. The battle you fight daily being dragged thru Hell. Screams silenced with the might of the words from the ignorant. I may not know you, yet I’m blue. I rue that nobody hears your ambition to heal, bouncing off the floor. In my mind, I see you soaring into the opportunity sobriety brings. I see the beauty that you have to bring. I hear the song your heart has yet to sing. So for you, I will let my soul ring. I will toss my skipping rocks that I have collected by hand, in hopes the ripples will reach wherever you are laying. The fight between Heaven and Hell is as grand as ever, so I pray for your full recovery. I believe in the miracle that we can all live in sobriety. If you overdose tomorrow, the heart of the world will ever linger in mourning that your last breath was forsaken by evil and pain. I too have been in that same hell. Dragged around by my hair, unwilling to see the amazing life we are gifted. I rejoice for you in the depths of your loneliness; for the day you choose, You will be set free. I love you in all of your flaws, as another human being. I know just how incredible you are. I’m rooting for you to get the help to release the you & I that has been stripped and beaten. I’m proud that you have come this far & hope you reach the epiphany that we aren’t meant to flee. I write to help you see that we are all one in unity.
The sideways words press play on the times I stayed quiet during your bullying. The silent treatment, slowly eroding my soul. The mind games allowing doubt to slip in as my longing for understanding grows. How the future may be better than what I once believed to be possible. Time away from the institutions has shown I’m better off “crazy”. Sure I’m hazy from toking daily to create amazing. It’s all in the phrasing; Rewriting the cycle of bullshit that happens around me. Let me write you a peek into the way I see that we can all be within the bless up. That we are all made push on, united in love. I will call your bluff when you poke holes. As you hit me with the lowest blows when you see me flow free from worries. Here you come with fury. Everything behind you is blurry, purposely opposing, carefully posing for all the wrong eyes. Just to cover up all the lies, right as my heart is in ties. Please let’s say goodbye to this relapsed version of this relationship. Within recovery; upgrading the challenges from the other side of laughable attempts at getting my reaction. I refuse to be blind to your negativity. Proceeding with consideration for the feelings that have built up. Standing in the epiphany that we are all grown ups here, until I look into your pained eyes of youth into the insane truth. The cycle will remain unending until it all comes to a halt, cutting the pain in half, blurted out in the heat of the moment.
Bleak attempts at dehumanizing me. Begging for love, yet forsaken. Last resort, as I call out one last time. Just know that compassion does not equate to tolerance of emotional abuse. My story ever entwined with yours even as I fly high away fueled by the beginning. Bargaining with you to take this as brand new or forget the connection if all you offer is passive aggressive violations of the heart that patches over the crumbled self defenses. I only asked for love. Yet again, a bellowed scream escapes these same lips that learned to hear the silent whispers in the lonely abyss of sleeping alone. The power of love is that it is free to give. A concept that is even more beautiful when pushing past hesitating on the risks of falling again. Practicing letting the glass walls fall. I see you consciously asleep under your rock and I realize as I try to lift it to save you, the weight is crushing my ambition. Choking my drive to allow others to express the pain, and grow into a flourishing spider web of opportunity. As you close your eyes with purpose to be alone; For the risk comes down to supporting the suppression or your key to emotional freedom. When you make the choice to let one in, be steady and sure.
Reminiscent of the time we were united, way beyond my time. Seeing eyes glare into the lies. It’s not long before injustice strikes my unconditional heart. I stand with might, as I fill my cup with the water. As I drink water from the well as the coins of dreamers accumulate. Getting to the bottom of never selling out. Where I don’t know the rate of interest when I’m invested in your interest in living a free life. I see you reaching for what you are able to take next, instead of paying mind to what’s right. Projecting my love to you now. Realizing I have to explore where most won’t. Setting the boundaries of what will be allowed, and disregarding your protests. The moment came when he showed me how truly intimate a love can be. Restless thoughts of saving the world. Preserving the precious life taken for granted. Could I be so bold to meditate and chant in front of misguided eyes? To be unafraid in my attempts at achieving peace in our lifetime? To make it possible once again for the use of things like hemp, or living off of the sacred ground? Stomping my feet to get the majority looking my way. I ask you to question how things are kept. Do you hear the chime sound? Will the deepest part of you seek out to be our best me? United as We & spreading until all will see. Leaving a lasting impression for you to ask questions. As the Universe picked up the pieces of me, when I got wrapped up in the loss of innocence. The epiphany that it left early in an effort to prepare me for the fire in my heart to burn in the most gentle way. The type of heart that is alive for the rest of eternity. Taking baby steps to prepare for you to want to hear what I have to say about the way we desperately need this change.
On the inside I am peace, the only thing I want to fill the void with. Exhausted the limit of what I can take without opening my eyes. My heart took this lifetime to soften with time but here I am, inside of the woman I imagined In my mind. A little yell turns to a Roaring, raging, right to disregard the perspectives in the room. I’m looking up with wonder from the lies. Recalling Who, When & Where i lied …The inner child locked inside this heart of mine.
I am enough.
The mother beneath our feet healing the quiet cries of an unheard language. The words I hear you say, although your mouth never moved. My heart is reaching out to the one so gracefully falling. When the words leave the lips & change entire lives. When we realize that we are all one. We know understand our words and actions have direct impact.
When We realize the fastest way to grow is to be uncomfortable ; This moment is the best of them all.
With little excitement for life, You stop seeing the beauty in today.And in danger of becoming obsessed in your fear that they will never stay. That today is not the day they stay forever. Your pillow soaked in teardrops. Although your heart has never stopped saying,
“What can I help you with ?”
It feels as though you are stuck in all the moments that you can no longer control.
Learning is key for growth. The same cycle, The same lesson. The same spiraling circle, Until you transcend to the further question.
Look with softer eyes! See beyond into the everything.
Realizing it’s amazing to be me & that time is a lie , When goodbyes are really a tie. Catching up with the little girl inside. She who possesses validation, unconditional compassion, and love for all of Us.
I will use this gift to spread what I don’t yet know to blossom into myself, So I can do what I have to do. For me. For you . For us. For humanity.
Look with softer eyes and see I am not what I made myself out to be. Constantly growing, changing, learning. Grateful to the ones for the blessings from all of the times I have cut ties.
Unexpected growth form from the short goodbyes we aren’t ready for.
Thorn pointed pen; Letters of calligraphy written on the remains of our fallen providers graceful dishonorable death…How you fall with such might.
The might echoes with vibrations of sadness as another beautiful creature of life is taken selfishly, By the hands of a human.
Creation turned destruction. Now it seems we have gone past the point of no return. How do we get out?
My words are coming at you… Ascend your spirit. Unite this revolution of peace With me, us, we. For the generations to come.
For the hopelessly romantic fools To find the one. For the ones lost to be honored by our efforts to save the world.
For the addict scared to death, On the ledge; Fighting for the peace of mind.
For the single parents struggling to find the way.
For the broken hearts that are all winded up & left to wander freely. No confidence to ask for what we deserve.
For the ones we took advantage of while acquiring the land we call “home”.
For all the hate and fighting,That nobody realizes is a test of compassion.
While we line up in an orderly fashion, ignoring how far past misguided we are. They want us to fail. They do no want us to unite,for at stake is the dirty green paper that they are killing people for. Just some thoughts to get you thinking… is money anything ? Printed on the remains of our fallen providers.
What I have inside has been seen before.Underestimating eyes not expecting to see more. “Give up and die” they say as I take the medicine they handed me. Like they ride for me, Like I’m going to lay down.Oh no. Fellow human soul, I’ve been there not long ago. I refuse to fit your molds, to be the person lacking humanity.The place where I was so cold, where self compassion was dormant. My ignorance was higher; I criticized every move I made. Eventually I got tired of fading away into the abyss of feelings unexpressed.
I got up and said “Fuck all that”.
I’ve seen the light connecting us all in many lives before this beautiful transition from ignoring intuitions & stagnant daydreams dipped in the quicksand slowly suffocating the necessary liberation of creation to passively waiting no more.Writing all that I’ve held in my notebooks for far to long to express this feeling at the core of us. That better days are here to stay. The mental notes I’ve stored away are flowing into my everlasting collective energy.Now I see: It’s not who you know, It’s the drive of who you would like to be.Will you find the passion in the compassion while in a room full of cold eyes plotting your demise? Would you still spread the knowledge that the seemingly everlasting lacking life can be changed. Only you can change yourself. How far you will go?How bad do you want to be freed of the constricting guidelines that we set out to be? To later realize we can never be unique conforming to the workweek. Believing the lie that we peek spiritually following along with the losing streak of being a pawn. Calcified pineal gland, misery for the profit of companies. Take a firm stand, turn the other cheek to find the ancient way of the heart.Unified we can fight the suppression If we let go of the aggression they so desperately plant in our brains, and call us insane.
The paradox we are all of the same, the proclaimed “same” is to blame for the lack of understanding that one love can be achieved as we release the need to be the same.To make a better way for the human kind. To STAY the human kind. Feel the force of unity of the one love we are. Don’t take the harder way out when they tell us that we rely to fill the void with the filth of this world. Open your eye, say goodbye to the constricting guidelines.