Skipping Rubbing Rocks

Freezing cold fingertips
Bold in my lingering skips
Rubbing rocks ripple the river top
Where the fish on my line flips and flops
As my mind wanders onto the page of my notebook
Soft, glazed eyes look
In my realm of unlimited places to go
The only place where the brisk breeze blows
In the center of all that can be
Simultaneously able to meditate with the Black Ebony tree
We visit the grave of the former endangered
In attempts to move from the path of extinction
Disuniting the pieces of the puzzle that are hoodwinked
To discover that we may replace the tainted with art
Or the unconfined place of your heart
The secret is all you have to do is start
On the journey to know myself better
I’m present writing you the very next letter
I’m there, at the river that never truly has been
Under the waterfall of uncovered Zen
Standing with my sister carrying our heaviest worries
Hurling away with all of our fury
Into the water with the power of two daughters
After treading the boiling hot water
Energy shifted back to the paper
I’ve taken the title of a shaper
I have transformed a way for my mind to explore
An opportunity to summon up more
the way my soul always desired to before
Unshakable little girl used to freely give out hugs
She knew the perks of risking being loved
Although, without your running away
I would have never learned what it was to make sure I’m okay
I’m the most inspired I have ever been to be of service to others in need
I’m eternally grateful this plant of mine had entrenched seeds
Oh, the joy that is to become
To always be giving with the Oneness of all of our love
When can it be a social norm where it’s a beautiful thing to get old
Admitting my selfish lack of will to live to lift the solid sheet of gold
To always be of service to the still sick into the heart of adventure
In hopes to release us all from being an indentured servant
Banishing those stubborn fears until they go
Hand in hand, uncomfortability forcing growth
In the only moment that is, or that ever could be
Take it from me for I may have the solution towards your happiness
One of the keys is to give out your love for free with readiness
Let’s empty the pharmaceuticals dilution of the mind
The most priceless things to me is to know we can achieve peace in our lifetimes
Do you know how much money  is worth?
Currently grounding myself into the Earth
Experiencing the eye of an epiphany
Presently blissful engulfed in the synchronicity
To help one is to help all when we are all meaningfully related
While they try to keep our minds sedated
Right in between selfless and self-serving
Everyday striving, growing, and learning
In the realm of assistance
Becoming with the path of least resistance
I am you
You are you too
You, the trees, and me
Human being
I love you
You are not alone in being blue
Vulnerability opened the door that closed
In honor to protect my Rose
Free yourself of worry to find peace becomes unarming
The new and different can sometimes seem alarming
You have to retrain your brain to do what your heart calls to you
When will the day come when we all refuse to live in rue?
Laden hearts, when the Tooth Fairy doesn’t come for your tooth
A dab of anguish, as we mourn in the eye of the storm
Which can manifest a plethora of different forms
Holding the all-consuming lesson learned, what will we do with our truth?
Do not forget that you are the most beautiful miracle that was ever born
On your adventure I wish for you to open that door

 

2% of a Poem

To let go
To be free to accept the lessons
To have chosen before I knew this life
To have been low
To have been chased by my own tail
To have bailed
To have felt abandonment
To be grateful I had me
To have become aware
of the beauty in feeling pain
To be in your souls embrace
Where the walls fall
I hear your hearts call
Roaring a mighty whisper
Between the laughs we share
To risk being loved
To ignore the talk of my fears in my ear
To reach the top of the “unclimbable”
The “unattainable”
The “impossible”
To where my path goes
To be in love
To say how we feel when we want to stray
Into the arms of isolation
To understand change leads to growth
Ever evolving each day
To stay
To be Human
To reach out a helping hand
For those who think It’s to late
To be Taylor
To write what my heart hears I would say
To listen
No matter If It fills my pocket
To know I’m home
When your actions speak
You’re here to stay

The year of the late winter

I hope the Earth fights back
I hope she gets sick of the way you treat her
Mother Earth, here to protect us all in unity
Act like one person all you want, but we are all one of kind of the same kind
The way your filth lands on her beautiful roots
The way you kill her purity as she provides selflessly for life here on Earth
She’s getting angry now
She heard about a plan so evil that they will knowingly destroy us all for a big pile of useless green paper
Cutting down all of her babies
Lie after lie
Lying on the cold street; used up piece of crumbled paper
Litter tree
Irony

3/22/14 A passage from “The Dark Pages”

Don’t let me tweeze my eyebrows on the day of the damned
Numb dreams, surviving the depths of my rock solid heart
Stones & bottles on my back
The tears make sounds over a bottle of wine in the eyes of my family
Sorting & balancing
Bones & mourning the death of the role model that used to be me
Anywhere, I’m there.
Now, you will see the myriad of hate for me
The love for all that pass my mind
Red pen & sunlight, might help me find some new to be beautiful scars
Carved.
My arm.
Alarmed to see this can’t be the only me left
Daydreams of the sea of eyes looking beyond me
Trees
They see the dark in the deep
Where the souls of the hopeless think they are safe from judging goodbyes
When the poisonous bees fly & die
The way life sucks me dry
And we die
The trees
Bees
Me
The dreams
Fiends
The lean
Names of nobodies
Dames that hail from a broken family
The same shame.
Blame justified by fame.
We all consent to play this game.
Except today… I might get lost in the trees.
Away from the dreams & the poison sets in from the sting of a single bee.
One small fee.
My will not to be.
The path of a fiend
The end of the eyes that seemed to be looking at me, but in reality I was looking to see what they see in me.
Avoiding the looks I feel piercing
My anxiety
due to the struggle of me

Younger me dreamed

When I was a younger version of me, I thought of true love as a real thing to achieve
Into the flaming hoops of hell to find if I adore the flowers, I must not pick them to be mine
A humbling thought stumbles into my mind;
Just over three years sober and my soul is set free
I am one of a kind with no binds to past decisions or attachments
to the flashbacks
& visions of a naïve heart that was to be broken.
Now I wear as a badge, an honor, a token from toking to gratitude to still be alive.
To feel the pain of a heartbreak, yet not chose to sulk in my suffering
The lessons God has taught me: To be forgiving and overcoming
To see the small and giant miracles, and everything in the grey area between
Not just what I can see
Fears dissipate into a place I refuse to turn back into
I now realize the hard work I must do to achieve the happy younger ME’s dream
of a man so wonderful my heart can’t seem to waste any moments.
Looking to see the beauty in human connection to let go of the insecurities I may harbor as a self defense mechanism.
I will never rue the day I took a risk being loved, because none of my time has been wasted from above
The lessons lessen the blows when I see the life I purposefully chose.

Will you marry me?

I found the words on a blank page
The words endlessly deserved to me, If only he had stayed
Now I stand out of the eye of the storm, finding the unconditional love I’ve been craving
As my soul meets the inner child of mine, I adorn you
We eternally are destined.
Designed to write for eternity, ever evolving
Never all knowing
Yet intuitively learning how beautiful it is to be alone
The fact is I could never be lonesome within the recovered pain
So… I’m drawn to the ground for you, Beautiful
On both knees, because you deserve the love you have always searched for
I would be blessed to forever be entangled with your soul
I’m grateful you were born
I’ll be unconditionally yours
I know all of your gorgeous flaws, and the way you will change this world to a better             place to be
Even if it’s just to me
I vow loyalty to the profound thoughts you think daily
We can be Holy in ways you thought impossible to be with another fleshy being
You lovely, can trust me because I tell the truth
You are never short of perfection a being could be
I know you don’t care for material items, so I offer all the blank pages that could ever be,
with gratitude to the trees
As I sit next to the flowing river of dreams, frolicking threw the bamboo forest, to find
myself alone with you
The only place I am complete, is within the unity of Us
So with this ring gifted to me by another kind hearted soul, I have an everlasting
question for you!
One that you never have to rue
Will you marry me, you?
I do. ❤

Ode to God

Without you, the world is always cold
Without your smile, without your laugh I feel my old heart cracking in half
Without your inspiration, the world would be grey
If I didn’t have you to chase these filling clouds away
Without the sparkle in your eyes, the sun in my life would refuse to shine
Without the words on this page that glow from your word, the planet would darken and dread
Without your presence to brighten, this place is saddened; Full with gloom
Without your strength to face my pain, I would simply lose my will to fight
Without your touch so warm and comforting
I feel the need to give in to the hands of a human being
Without your love to fill my soul, Hope is abandoned
A future freezing cold

Uncovering the shushed vulnerability of the Empath I am

Gently understanding the depths of who I am
The memories I have kept controlled on what I believed to be capable of
Everlasting love in my soul, stemming from warm angry tears streaming down
Cleansing me finally
I step back from the dishonoring thought that things I never imagined to change
I become dedicated to uncovering the shushed vulnerability of the empath I am
Lessened blows of the lessons learned flow within the stubbornly sealed heart
My mind endlessly resorts back to the start, when you created me
The exact moment I put down my drug of choice
When I chose life over being;
The lack of understanding as I mature is baffling
The humbling  knowledge that how far I have come
has been nothing short of a miracle
Today  I wake up in words of wisdom
that the no matter how heart shattering the past was
God guides me into the light
I’m on the path of love to serve others with a courageous might
Faithful that my heart will be healed
when I reach the other side

If you overdose tomorrow…

If you overdose tomorrow
We will all cry tears of sorrow that yet another solider was torn from the war
The battle you fight daily being dragged thru Hell
Screams silenced with the might of the words from the ignorant
I may not know you, yet I’m blue
I rue that nobody hears your ambition  to heal, bouncing off the floor
In my mind, I see you soaring into the opportunity sobriety brings
I see the beauty that you have to bring
I hear the song your heart has yet to sing
So for you, I will let my soul ring
I will toss my skipping rocks that I have collected by hand
in hopes the ripples will reach wherever you are laying
The fight between Heaven and Hell is as grand as ever
so I pray for your full recovery
I believe in the miracle that we can all live in sobriety
If you overdose tomorrow…
the heart of the world will ever linger in mourning that your last breath was forsaken by
evil and pain
I too have been  in that same hell
Dragged around by my hair
unwilling to see the amazing life we are gifted
I rejoice for you in the depths of your loneliness
for the day you choose, You will be set free.
I love you in all of your flaws, as another human being
I know just how incredible you are
I’m rooting for you to get the help
to release the you & I that has been stripped and beaten
I’m proud that you have come this far
I hope you reach the epiphany  that we aren’t meant to flee
I write to help you see that we are all one in unity.
If you overdose tomorrow…
You will never see the beauty tomorrow brings.

We are all grown ups here

The sideways words press play on the times I stayed quiet during your bullying
The silent treatment, slowly eroding my soul
The mind games allowing doubt to slip in as my longing for understanding grows
How the future may be better than what I once believed to be possible
Time away from the institutions has shown I’m better off “crazy”
Sure I’m hazy from toking daily to create amazing
It’s all in the phrasing
Rewriting the cycle of bullshit that happens around me
Let me write you a peek into the way I see that we can all be within the bless up
That we are all made push on, united in love
I will call your bluff when you poke holes
As you hit me with the lowest blows when you see me flow free from worries
Here you come with fury
Everything behind you is blurry
purposely opposing
carefully posing for all the wrong eyes
Just to cover up all the lies, right as my heart is in ties
Please let’s say goodbye to this relapsed version of this relationship
Within recovery upgrading the challenges
from the other side of laughable attempts at getting my reaction
I refuse to be blind to your negativity
Proceeding with consideration for the feelings  that have built up
Standing in the epiphany that we are all grown ups here
until I look into your pained eyes of youth into the insane truth
The cycle will remain unending until it all comes to a halt
cutting the pain in half
blurted out in the heat of the moment.